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Healing from Relationship Issues

No one goes into a romantic relationships thinking, "I want to be abused"... But it does and can happen, regardless of race, gender, age, religion, sexual orientation, occupation... 


No matter what, no one deserves abuse.

It can feel embarrassing to admit to, between stigma and self-judgment.  There are lots of projected assumptions from well-meaning bystanders: "why don't you just leave?", "it mustn't be that bad", "all relationships have their challenges", "how can you let him/her treat you like that?", "he/she seems so nice though"... Meanwhile I bet dollars to donuts you have been doing everything you can to try to make your relationship work.  Internal thoughts like, "if I just don't do______, then they won't blow up at me" or "he/she is just stressed out" or "I shouldn't have done ______, it was my fault" feed the wounds and confusion.  You don't want to be mistreated, but you're looking for ways to fix the problems because likely it didn't start out this way.  It's confusing, and heartbreaking, and scary.

Whether you have left the relationship or not, if you feel that you are struggling with your partner or processing the breakup, whether the abuse occurred recently or years ago, there can be a lot of grief and a mix of many emotions.  It can be helpful to process what you're experiencing, learn more about the various types of abuse (emotional, physical, mental, sexual, financial...), the cycles of abuse, power and control, patterns of behavior, and self-care strategies.  I am here for you as an unbiased support and ally with a "safety first" outlook.

You are deserving of respect.

You are deserving of safety.

You are deserving of support.

Call or email today.

If the abusive person is an immediate concern, please call 911.

Additional resources:

*Note: as a Mandated Reporter, any disclosure of abuse of a child, elder or mentally disadvantaged person is required by law to be reported to appropriate authorities.

Reflection Through Broken Glass

Is someone you know in a relationship that has you concerned but you don't know what to say?  

Share validating and supportive statements like the following:

  • Resources are available to you.

  • You are not alone.

  • You deserve to be safe – your children deserve to be safe.

  • I’m so sorry that is happening to you.

  • I’m glad you told me, I would like to help you.

  • The abuse is not your fault – you are not to blame for someone else’s violence.

  • You have the right to make your choices, including the decision to leave an abusive situation.

  • Domestic violence is a crime.

  • You have the right to receive protection.

  • There are people who are concerned about you and they want to help.

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